Over at Fringe Association, Karen Templer is heading up Slow Fashion October, a chance to examine our wardrobes, where we buy from, and how we take care of our clothes. It comes at a good time, because I’ve been thinking for a while that I want to re-examine what kinds of clothes I have, how they work for me, and what I want my wardrobe to actually look like.

Our week 1 exercise is figuring out our look, which I am still figuring out (unless jeans/leggings and plain shirts is a look). Part of why I don’t think I have a “look” is because I’m often uncomfortable in my body, and shopping makes me anxious - so I tend to buy the first thing that looks halfway decent and then deal with it, even though 85% of the time it’s not perfect for me. And then I wear it, and I keep wearing it, because it’s in my closet. What I should do is get rid of the pieces that don’t work for me, so they won’t even be available for my weak morning-brain.

I’ve been making things my entire life, but I haven’t always been making them with intentionality, making them to complement other pieces in my closet, making them to last years. In high school and college, I would pick a pattern, find some leftover fabric in my mother’s stash, and make something that I’d wear for a couple months and then forget about. In grad school, I didn’t sew much but I picked up knitting, which for the first five years or so included only things that didn’t need sizing (mostly scarves and shawls).

The other part of it is that I’m scared - what if the sweater I’m knitting doesn’t fit right? What if I misjudged the dress size I’m making? What happens when I mess up a dart and the whole thing is ruined? But that’s also part of the excitement, and I’m getting better at leaning into that - learning how to adjust on the fly, making test muslins and swatches (swatching! my least favorite thing!), and always, always, trying it on as I go.

The other part that’s scary (for me, at least) is then wearing the things I’ve made. Am I confident enough to pull it off? Will people think it’s strange that I make my own clothes? Will I have to talk about it all day at work? What happens if I ruin the piece, and all my hard work is wasted? Again, this is something I’m still figuring out how to lean into. I made this thing, dammit, and I should wear it!

On Thursday I leave for a trip that’s half-fun and half-work, and I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what I should take with me. How many outfits do I need? What will I be comfortable in? But maybe most importantly, what do I want my look to be?

I was going to start October off with a bang by attempting to make a Wiksten Kimono in one evening. But then I got derailed by a giant box of free pomegranates at work and misplacing my sewing scissors (don’t worry, I remembered where I put them at midnight while I was trying to sleep!). So I’m going to wait until I get back from my trip, and focus on taking the time to make a versatile piece and enjoy the process. And then, I’m going to figure out how to wear more of the pieces in my closet that I love.